送你20个英文笑话，“包”治百病！不笑算我输！

01

当你坐到了毛概课的课堂上，却发现手机不在口袋里。

When you sit down for a political propaganda class and suddenly realise your phone is not in your pocket.

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急诊室门口，下巴脱臼的病人们正在排队等待治疗。

Patients with dislocated jaws are lining up outside the emergency department waiting for their treatment.

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When your hands slipped when tearing a bread and you accidentally punched your dog in the eye with your elbow.

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拿铁

Latte

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春季限定樱花拿铁

Spring-Limited Sakura Latte

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冰美式

Iced Americano

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你是个好人，不过你脸太黑。

You are a good guy. But you just don't look like someone who see eye to eye with fortune.

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就跟你说不要戴着耳机睡觉啊。

Told you not to sleep with your earphones still on.

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Two elephants are fighting using qing kung.

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去内蒙的站票了解一下。

Would you like to know about the standing tickets to Inner Mongolia?

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My freshly made manicures can't touch water!

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喜欢扔粉笔头的老师发现全班都睡着之后，准备放大招了。

The teacher who loves shooting chalk stumps just found out the whole class has fallen asleep. So she's about to bring out a super strike.

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在自己的葬礼上听说他们要宣读你5年前的QQ空间。

When you're at your own funeral and hear that they are gonna publicly read out your facebook posts from 5 years ago.

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被路人多看了几眼就以为人家对自己有意思。

Someone who thought a passer-by was into him just because he saw her looked at him for a second.

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Close. Close. I'm nearly touching it!

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——每个月花20美元就能把你的孩子寄存在云端，您看怎……

——成交。

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正在度假的马云又听到旁边有人在引用他没说过的话。

When Jack Ma is on a vacation and eardrops again that someone is citing him for something he didn't say.

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猫：不是说要去买小鱼干吗？！为什么我看到前面是兽医诊所？！

Cat: Aren't we going for anchovies? Why am I seeing the vet's clinic there??!!

狗：习惯就好。

Dog: You'll get used to this.

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奶奶听到了《希望的田野上》，不由自主开始蹦迪。

Grandma heardI Will Always Love Youand switched into disco mode right away.

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当你花了半个小时也没拧开瓶盖的时候，你作为一名独立、能干、新时代女性的世界观开始崩塌。

When you spent half an hour and still couldn't open a bottle, you started to doubt whether you're really an independent, capable and modern woman as you thougt you were.